Vegetarians are ASSHOLES!

     Vegetarians. You either like them or you really hate them. And if you are a chef, it is a safe bet that it is the latter. Vegetarians have spent years coming into restaurants saying, “your food is not good enough for me, can you prepare me something special?” At least that is what it seems like to the kitchen staff.

What some people don’t know or don’t care about is that a Chef’s menu is typically a well thought out piece of “artwork.” I use the term artwork A. because I lack artistic ability, and I love to plug the term into anything I do just to sound awesome, and B. because it is a time consuming process that hopefully in the end produces a masterpiece. Chefs spend hours, days, sometimes months planning a menu. Searching through piles of recipes, deciding on menu concepts, testing and rewriting recipes. All of that time spent just to have some asshole say,”Ya, I can’t eat anything on your menu, I’m a vegetarian.”This happens so often now that chefs everywhere are being forced to throw a vegetarian option (usually a shitty one) on their menus.

In my time spent in the kitchen I have come across 3 reasons why people are vegetarians.

1. For religious reasons. I have no argument here, everyone has the right to believe what they want.
2. For animal rights reasons. I could write a whole other article on animal rights issues, but I once had a dog that died, so I get it.
3. Because people are inherently STUPID. People think that because they are vegetarian now they are healthy! Maybe even shed some pounds! (I call Bollocks on this one.)

Now I don’t want people to think of me as a racist toward vegetarians because I truly love fruits and vegetables. I can eat a whole meal of broccoli. But what I love even more, is the harmony created by bacon and vegetables. I mean what is sweet corn succotash without bacon? Well, it’s a sweet corn succotash that I don’t want a part of.

My point is this. If you are a vegetarian or you are thinking of becoming a vegetarian you should realize a few things. Chefs are hardworking laborers that create the best food they know how. This almost always includes meat, because it is ABSOLUTELY DELICIOUS. Do not start to think that for any reason you are better than someone else. You do not deserve special recognition. You are not a better person than me because I meat. And lastly, Do not go into any restaurant and ask for a special off menu preparation of your food. This whole vegetarian craze is getting popular enough for people to open places devoted entirely to vegans. Go to these places. They want your business! I want your business too, I just would rather you go elsewhere than to hear your complaining.

How to Handle the Heat!

Chefs are a very interesting breed of people. They come from many different backgrounds and social status’. In my kitchen career I have come to notice they all seem to possess two of the same qualities. Those qualities are Pride, Dedication and the ability to at any given moment be the biggest ASSHOLE you have ever met. Aside from one or two people I have worked for, the ego’s of the kitchen staff are always too big for the kitchen itself. So here is my guide to getting through a day without getting fired… Or Stabbed!

1. Keep you head down and shut up!

-Nobody, especially the Executive Chef really care that much about your opinion. Unless you are the leader of that kitchen, your name means nothing. Diners really do believe that the Executive Chef prepared their entire meal good or bad. If you are told to do something say, “Yes Chef!” and fucking do it! Your Chef may get all the praise but he also takes all the blame

2. Take Responsibility for YOUR Mistakes!

-An oven is an oven. A stove is a stove. The sole function of these items is to heat up to the temperature YOU tell it. If something burns, it’s not the ovens fault. It is YOUR fault for not checking food item. You have to realize that mistakes in a kitchen will happen everyday, and it can be very stressful. But, when you have some assclown standing around making up excuses and pointing the blame elsewhere after they messed up, you get a room full of pissed off chefs. A scene nobody is comfortable being around. When burning an item, you should man up say,”Chef, I messed up, how can I fix it?” Then you fix it making sure it is absolutely perfect this time.

3. Don’t try to be a Hero.

-If you have an entire station to prep and your chef needs help with the special for the evening. Don’t bite off more than you can chew just to kiss some ass.  Specials are important. Often they take time to prepare, and nothing should be half-assed. So, focus on your station and let some other bloke volunteer. That way when your finished with your station you can rescue him later when he is in the weeds. That is when you become someone’s hero for the night.

4. Clean as you go!

-This is easier said than done, but making a habit of working clean can get you a long way in a kitchen. Nobody likes a dirty chef.

5. Label and Date EVERYTHING!

-This again is something that is very easy to look past, specially in a small kitchen.  But, how fucking lazy do you have to be to not label and date things properly. Your refrigerator should be a sacred place, where everything is organized neatly, properly and food is fresh as can be. This cannot be done when half empty containers are laying around and you have no idea what is in them or when they were prepared.

6. Break Down Containers!

-Nothing irritates me more in a kitchen, than when I cannot find a large storage container; and then I find out the reason I cant find them is because they are already being used to hold miniscule amounts of food in the walk-in. Break that shit down! Put things in smaller containers. Not only does it help keep products fresh while in the container but it also really helps you get a visual on products you have, and what you may need to purchase. Not to mention the space it will save you. You may even pass your health inspection!

7. SHOW UP!

Chefs are notorious for going after a late night of work, and partying their asses off till the early hours of the morning. DO NOT be the one who calls in sick the next day because you are not feeling well the next day. Suck it up. Get your ass into work and sweat it out on the line, just like the rest of the crew!

8. Only the Executive Chef is allowed to be a Smart-Ass.

You can dance around this one as much as you want, depending on your chef, I know it is nearly impossible not to make a sarcastic remark when the front-of-the-house comes back with a stupid question. But in general, keep the smart-ass remarks to a minimum. They always seem to put someone in a foul mood.

So there you have it. The guide to surviving in a commercial kitchen. Now anyone should be able to survive in a kitchen.

A bit on me!

The purpose if this blog is not to tell you what to eat, how you should eat or where you should eat, but to share with everyone my love for food!

As a child I always wondered what I would be when I grew up. When I was 17 years old I took a job as a cook simply because I enjoyed watching my dad cook us dinner and I thought I could do that in a kitchen.  I was totally wrong. Cooking at home  is not even in the same ballpark as cooking professionally.  I was introduced to a new world and I quickly became enthralled with all things food.

Since then, I have graduated culinary school in St. Louis and worked at country clubs, and trendy restaurants also around that area.  Currently I am back in school studying audio production and media communications, but this time in EUROPE! My eyes have been open to many other food scenes that I hope to share with you.

One thing that I love about food is that there is always something to be learned.  Food will forever be evolving.  There will always be that chef that magically finds harmony between ingredients people never thought to use. It is my goal to help bring light to those chefs and to help fellow foodies grow in foodie knowledge along with me.